Exploring Beauty project

Jan, 52

noreply@blogger.com (HagenInDenHaag) — Mon, 17 Jan 2011 16:12:00 +0000

A large part of the beauty of women over 40 is their connection to their true selves – something that only comes with age and experience. Recently I had to run from an abusive partner: the physical and mental wounds pushed me to my limits and I nearly lost myself. Bordering on despair, I went on a long hike in Sweden. While climbing the stark, strenuous Arctic trail, I reconnected to myself and the woman I was before life dealt a few rotten blows. Finding that person again gave me strength and hope.

I have often been asked how it is that I am a woman and I climb mountains. The truth is, all women should climb mountains. It is far and away the best training for giving birth: I have three wonderful children. If you can have a baby, you can climb a major mountain. The focus, determination, preparation, and that point where with your whole soul you pray, “let’s just get this damn thing over with!” are uncannily similar.

It was particularly important to me to wear my hiking boots in the shoot. I’ve had these boots since I was 19 years old. Though I am a new equipment junkie, I have always held on to these boots, and I hope to wear them until I die. Like the lines in my face, their scuffed-up and totally uncool appearance represents experience, wisdom, and at last arriving at a place where I don’t give a damn about looks. Visually, I liked the contrast between these tough, rugged boots and the soft (but tough!) femininity of my body.

Irina, 33

noreply@blogger.com (HagenInDenHaag) — Tue, 21 Dec 2010 13:45:00 +0000

I was a very skinny professional model, but then I decided I don’t want to be on a diet all my life. I think you can look beautiful with a rounder shape. The magazines and videos suggesting that you have to be skinny are wrong. Those images just stick in your head! They make a lot of people feel insecure about themselves. If you are healthy, you look beautiful. If your shape is not skinny, you can’t make it skinny. If you try to make your body something it isn’t then you are not going to be beautiful.

I like myself. I think maybe a few less pounds would not be bad for me, but otherwise I’m fine. I don’t have a complex about my body. I think that is what makes me feel free to do this shoot in the nude. Sometimes I buy magazines to see a beautiful woman’s body. I think the female form is beautiful in general. So why not me, too? If others can be beautiful, why not me? (Laughs).

To have a woman be herself: that is beauty. Size does not matter; people have different taste. Not everybody likes skinny bodies. There are people who like round bodies like mine; we should not feel any lesser. We should take care of ourselves and be beautiful from the inside out.

Christy, 40

noreply@blogger.com (HagenInDenHaag) — Tue, 14 Dec 2010 08:56:00 +0000

In my experience, beauty isn't about how the world sees me but about how I see the world. If I seek out the positive aspects of life, the people who matter tend to see my positive attributes.

I have a twelve-year-old niece, one of the most kind-hearted and thoughtful kids I have ever met. She has been cruelly teased at school about her weight and her family. What kids hear from their peers can be damaging, especially at that age.

I hope to show my niece that she is a thing of beauty in the world: her beauty is the kind that touches the whole person, not just the eyes. I want her to see through the stories of these women that there are many different ways of being complete. I can see my niece’s positive attributes, and I want to help her see, and feel comfortable sharing, those pieces of herself with the world. With that empowerment, I come full circle: I am using her positive attributes to make the world more positive; this makes me more positive, and on it goes (laughs). Who knows, maybe I do have the power to make things better for her after all….

Exploring Beauty, the book, is now available!

noreply@blogger.com (HagenInDenHaag) — Tue, 07 Dec 2010 09:15:00 +0000

Exploring Beauty by Erik Robert Hagen | Make Your Own Book

Eva, 43

noreply@blogger.com (HagenInDenHaag) — Thu, 02 Dec 2010 11:40:00 +0000

I am a “package deal”.

Growing up, I never perceived parts of my body as being attractive or unattractive – it was the whole of me that was courted, tucked in and loved. Chiseled manners, skilful and intelligent flirting, laid-back wisdom and forgiving loyalty were the hallmarks of good women and men. A robust sense of humour, joie de vivre, smouldering sensuality and a certain inner attitude in the face of adversity were some of the most coveted assets. In those days behind the Iron Curtain you weighed your words and dreams, not your body.

As a child, I used to spend many summer vacations at the Black Sea. The sun, the wind, the waves and the moon caressed our bodies; and most of my family was there, on the nudist beach. It was a time of innocence, and it left me with the gift of having seen all seasons of a human body with un-judging eyes.

For the past twenty years, I have been living in Western Europe and battling an eating disorder; I have gone back and forth between size 36 and 48. I am still amazed and insulted by men who believe they can have this but not that in a woman. I am frightened and hurt by the hostility many women afflict upon themselves and each other when it comes to body image: how everybody assumes you must be on a diet if you are curvy. Wanna know what really happened? I have swallowed too much anger, too much sorrow, too many words that should have been said.

The way forward is to stop seeing the mosaic and focus on the big picture: all of me, the whole of me. A pearl of wisdom from my grandmother: women are like pears – they are the sweetest where they are the broadest.

Monique, 40

noreply@blogger.com (HagenInDenHaag) — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 11:13:00 +0000

Turning 40 is new and also positive for me. I started writing seriously this year. Both my kids are in school full-time. This is a new phase in my life and the focus is changing.

I can't compare to what you see in the magazines! After injuring myself last fall, I'm running again, and training for the Amsterdam marathon in the fall. The goal was to get fit and lose some weight. While I didn’t lose much weight, I definitely feel fit. It’s also helped me become more accepting of my no-longer-20-year-old body. I don’t want to beat myself up like I have lately.

I have carried, birthed and nursed two healthy children and run a marathon and numerous half-marathons. I’ve earned this body. This is a message I want to pass on to my daughters. My six-year-old recently asked me why I run so much. I told her: because I enjoy it and because it makes me feel strong and healthy. And to myself, I added because it makes me realize how beautiful my body truly is.

The opening exhibition at the Gallery Upstairs

noreply@blogger.com (HagenInDenHaag) — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 14:11:00 +0000

The exhibition Exploring Beauty at the Gallery Upstairs was a great success! The gallery was packed. There were lovely words by the Mayor of Rijswijk. The group Colla-Voce played beautifully. We all had a great time. We have some nice press and great pictures at The Hague Online and local press (in Dutch) with the Municipality of Rijswijk. Thank you to all for coming to the opening of the exhibit. If you have not had a chance to go, the exhibit will be open until November 25 in Rijswijk. More information and opening hours for the exhibit is at http://www.thegalleryupstairs.nl/.

Here's the links
The Hague online link: http://www.thehagueonline.com/essentials/lifestyle/2010-11-09/exhibition-exploring-beauty-at-the-gallery-upstairs
The City's coverage: http://www.rijswijk.nl/Actueel/Evenementenagenda/November/Tentoonstelling_Exploring_Beauty

Pam, 45

noreply@blogger.com (HagenInDenHaag) — Thu, 04 Nov 2010 07:52:00 +0000

Music is my life. The things I write in my music speak of my journey through life: the happy times and the sad times. This old guitar case has been through boyfriends, marriage, divorce, birth, death, and broken hearts. It’s been on every trip I’ve ever been on and it’s tattered and torn. When I’ve moved on to better guitars, the case stays the same. I’ve owned it something like 20 years.

It has all these nicks and scars on it and it just is such a part of my life. Every time I’m someplace and see a sticker that applies to me, I put it on. One of my favorites is “Daddy’s Girl”: when I put it on, he was alive. I think about the similarities I share with my old guitar case and realize I’m the exact same way. I’ve been so many places, and I’ve got nicks and scars; but what’s really inside me, and what is inside that case, has been protected and survived. It’s a part of who I am, the guitar in there.

As a singer, my image is constantly judged. As a songwriter, so are my ideas. I have always been in search of the perfect healthy body and the best song I can write, but at some point you become comfortable and thankful about where you’re at. There’s a song I wrote: ‘She wears it well.’ One of the lines in it says, “She’s found peace in her own skin.” With the grace of God that’s where I am…. It’s a great place to be.

Muziek is mijn leven! De muziek die ik schrijf vertelt over mijn levenspad; over gelukkige en droeve tijden. Deze oude gitaarkist heeft het allemaal gezien: vriendjes, een huwelijk, scheiding, geboorte, dood en gebroken harten. Hij heeft me vergezeld op alle tochten die ik ooit gemaakt heb en daar ziet hij ook naar uit: hij is volkomen aan flarden. Ik heb wel mooiere gitaren gekocht, maar de kist blijft hetzelfde. Ik heb hem al zo’n twintig jaar.

Hij zit vol met deuken en krassen en hoort bij mijn leven. Als ik ergens ben en ik zie een sticker die bij mij past, dan plak ik die meteen op mijn kist. Een van mijn dierbaarste stickers is “Daddy’s Girl”; toen ik die erop plakte, leefde mijn vader nog. Mijn oude gitaarkist en ik; wij lijken precies op elkaar. Ik heb vaak en ver gereisd en heb ook deuken en littekens; maar mijn innerlijk, en ook dat wat in die kist zit, is beschermd gebleven en heeft het overleefd. Hij is een deel van mij, die gitaar die erin zit.

Ik ben zangeres van beroep en dus wordt mijn uiterlijk voortdurend beoordeeld, net als de ideeën in de teksten die ik schrijf. Ik heb altijd gestreefd naar een volkomen gezond lichaam, en het mooiste lied dat ik schrijven kan. Toch wordt je op een goed moment wel tevreden met jezelf en dankbaar voor wat je hebt kunnen bereiken. Een van de liederen die ik heb gecomponeerd heet “She Wears it Well”. Daarin komt de regel voor: “She found peace in her own skin” (zij heeft vrede in zichzelf gevonden). Dat is waar ik, bij de gratie Gods, mag leven…. Het is er goed toeven.

Jacinta, 49

noreply@blogger.com (HagenInDenHaag) — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 11:24:00 +0000

I think everyone is, or can be, beautiful. It’s about your sparkle: what shows through your eyes, your skin. When you are comfortable with who you are and you have a basic self-love, you walk through the world differently. Your body language is different. So are the way you breathe, the way you engage with others, and the way you speak: that’s the beauty I see in people. If a classically beautiful person walks into a room without the personality and life force to match that image, they very quickly become flat and boring to look at.

I’ve got a strange shape. I’m an average size, but I have a small top and a huge, out-of-proportion bottom and large thighs. The whole shopping-for-clothes thing is a totally traumatic journey (I’m only exaggerating a little bit). For this shoot, I’m wearing revealing clothes that really show my shape. Look! My shape is real and it is valid. I have a right! This is my shape!

When I was younger, I used to think that I would lose weight and I wouldn’t have this problem. Now I understand that these hip bones will never be smaller. All the beautiful clothes are made for girls with proportional little bottoms and legs. The clothes don’t suit us. I want to ask the clothes designers, “What about big-bottomed girls?” I’m a real woman. You’ve got to accept the bottom. Accept the bottom!

Invitation to the gallery opening November 7

noreply@blogger.com (HagenInDenHaag) — Fri, 08 Oct 2010 10:52:00 +0000

That's me, painting one of the big paintings that will hopefully be finished in time for the opening in Rijswijk (The Hague) on November 7. The party will be opened by the Mayor of Rijswijk (Burgemeester Ineke van der Wel) at 3:00, and there will be live music (soprano Liat Alkan Heymann and her colleague Silvia da Silva will sing a capella). Come one, come all!

Time: from 3 to 6 (15.00 to 18.00)
Date: Sunday, November 7
Where: The Gallery Upstairs, Herenstraat 18 B, 2282 BT Rijswijk
Gallery website: www.thegalleryupstairs.nl

The exhibit runs from November 6 through 25, and is open Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays and Sundays from 1:00 to 5:00, and on Saturdays from noon until 4:00.

Irina

noreply@blogger.com (HagenInDenHaag) — Sun, 26 Sep 2010 10:08:00 +0000

For me, inner beauty has nothing to do with age: the body can manifest this beauty at age 20, or 40, or 80.

As a singer I try to be a transparent instrument for the music singing in myself, so I have to listen to my source. This I am always trying to do: to be in contact with my inner source in every activity. In singing, you can really let it stream and express it, although it is not always possible: if your ego gets in the way, you can't really be an instrument for something higher. Often you mix your own emotions into the music too much, which isn’t what the composer really meant. The ego thinks that you are the emotion, but you only have the emotion! The most beautiful singing is nearly ego-free. It is difficult because we are human beings and we have egos. Singing is spiritual. It is a connection with the Higher Self: you can call it God. If you have this connection, then you can show your soul in bringing the music in contact with the soul. That is inner beauty.

It is a pity that some people think they have worth only if they look like some advertisement of an outwardly beautiful woman. This vision is directed only to the outside, but if you are connected to your soul it manifests on the outside by itself. If you see the face of an old woman who has contact with her soul, it can be so touching. Youth is often very pretty, because the body does not yet have such a stamp of life, but a body showing a life in contact with the inner self is the most beautiful thing you can imagine. The body is a mirror of what one is living on the inside.

If you are deeply in contact with yourself, others see something free and wild – and this wildness comes from being anchored in the joy of life coming out of your source. It is not the wildness of no borders but of being centered in yourself: it is beautiful and free.

Veronica, 35

noreply@blogger.com (HagenInDenHaag) — Fri, 17 Sep 2010 12:03:00 +0000

My grandmother told me something that has always stuck with me: “Pretty is, as pretty does.” If you do pretty things, if you act with confidence, and act as you would want people to see you, they’ll see that you are pretty. This secret thing that she told me was a fantastic little gem of information. You know, usually I’d hear, “Don’t worry, you’ll grow into your looks!” I had horrible red hair, glasses, buck teeth, the whole nine yards. I had braces. That wisdom is something that she wanted to pass down to me, for which I’m very grateful. And who knows, maybe that was her way of saying, “OK, you’re not much to look at, but if you’re at least nice then you’ll do all right!” (Laughs.)

I live in the U.S., and am separated from my husband who lives in the Netherlands. I came here to visit him when I learned about his cancer diagnosis. Part of being beautiful is being able to act with beauty and grace; it is a double edged sword. I think there are smaller, more beautiful parts of me that I left in the Netherlands and haven’t been able to regain. By coming back to the Netherlands, and being in this situation, I’m able to make more graceful gestures. I can gain those little beautiful pieces back and take them home with me. Regardless of whatever past you’ve had with a person, or however wronged you may feel, it is beautiful and liberating to be able to just let that go and make something new.

Today’s Beauty Ideals

noreply@blogger.com (HagenInDenHaag) — Tue, 14 Sep 2010 10:58:00 +0000

Technology and false advertising have narrowed how we see and understand beauty. According to a Dove-commissioned research study (The Real Truth About Beauty: A Global Report, 2004), only 13 percent of women say they are very satisfied with their beauty. Nearly HALF (48 %) of those surveyed strongly agreed with the statement, “When I feel less beautiful, I feel worse about myself in general.” In today’s world we are surrounded by images of impossibly thin and beautiful young models. The cosmetic and clothing industries create and manipulate these images to an unbelievable degree. You may have seen the Dove sponsored video called “Evolution,” which shows how a young, rather ordinary model’s face is transformed into a hyper-beautiful billboard image.

Amazingly, the original model is not recognizable by the end of the process. Her hair and makeup are carefully applied, and the lighting is perfect, but what defies belief is the transformation of the studio photograph using Photoshop: her neck is stretched, her lips puffed, her eyes enlarged, her shoulders and face made thinner, her blemishes removed, and her cheekbones emphasized. The image is so idealized that it becomes an unattainable beauty standard even for the model on whom the image was based. No wonder only 13 percent of women say they are very satisfied with their beauty, and why today's women so often feel worse about themselves.

The Dove video “Evolution” is a little over a minute long and can be viewed here:

Friedel, 32

noreply@blogger.com (HagenInDenHaag) — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 13:57:00 +0000

I was really lucky to have a mother who always reinforced that I was beautiful just the way I was. It’s made me a very confident, outgoing person. Beauty is really inside of you; it’s not what you see. I never felt that I conformed to that traditional notion of beauty, of being slender and maybe wearing certain clothes.

All the traveling that I’ve done has changed my image of beauty or maybe convinced me even more that beauty cannot be put into just one box. (Friedel has traveled extensively, including a trip around the world by bicycle.) I’ve seen so many different cultures: they can define something as beautiful that to us is not beautiful at all. Earrings, for example, that stretch the earlobe extensively; to us it seemed almost grotesque, but to them it was beautiful. In many of the Middle Eastern countries, the fact that a woman is fat is a good thing!

I was quite an awkward teenager. I definitely didn’t fit the stereotypical image of beauty: I was a little overweight; I was a little gawky; I tripped all the time. (I still trip all the time!) When I was a teenager it started to affect my confidence a bit. I can remember having the conversation with my mother that I felt ugly, I didn’t fit in, and all these things, and at one point I said, “I’m not beautiful.” She stopped me, took me to the mirror, and made me look in and say to myself, “I am beautiful.” And then she said it to me. And that was a really profound moment, it really stuck in my head. And of course, I was a teenager and said, “Aww M-o-o-om!” and told her to stop being ridiculous. But it is something I remember and carry with me to this day. This iconic moment, where I realized I was a beautiful person.

When I’m happy, I feel beautiful. If I feel content, I’m achieving my goals, I’m surrounded by people that I love, then I feel beautiful.

Amy, 45; Malia, 45; Ruth, 45; Lisa, 44

noreply@blogger.com (HagenInDenHaag) — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 15:48:00 +0000

Amy, 45

I'm five feet tall, a little chubby, and I'm no model by today’s standards! I used to say I should have been born during the Renaissance – back then, if you had really pale skin and big thighs, you were a work of art. I guess I missed being beautiful by a couple of centuries. But if I think about it, what that really means is that the definition of physical beauty changes. It is subjective: it’s something we can decide for ourselves. Today, I believe that true beauty is an inside job. It’s all about where we are mentally and spiritually. A wise friend told me that people are best viewed not by how they look, but rather by how they make us feel. When we feel beautiful inside, when we are at peace with ourselves and the world around us, our inner beauty shows on the outside. The four of us are truly blessed - we’ve been friends for 27 years and have been together through the good, the bad, the ugly, and the miraculous! Our outsides have changed over the years, but our inside connection remains…and that’s unique and beautiful.

Malia, 45

I have a daughter and it is interesting to watch how someone her age develops positive self esteem. Where I live, a lot of people get “work” done. Someone I know had her breasts done and she asked me why I didn’t have mine done as well. I felt that I would not be setting a good example for my daughter by changing something about my body that defines how others see me, rather than how I see myself. I want my daughter to define her happiness by who she is; we have always told her beauty comes from within. She is a beautiful girl, but her face is really a reflection of her heart and soul.

Ruth, 45

The four of us have known each other for so long. I look at pictures from when we first met in college and realize that at the time, I thought it was the prime of our lives. I realize now that we are far more beautiful in our 40's that we were in our 20's. We wear our experience on our faces and on our bodies. We have a deeper understanding of ourselves and our place in the world and this knowledge shines through as confidence, wisdom, and peace. The mission of this project is admirable and necessary, given the way things have become in our culture - especially in the U.S. It's crazy! Even my son, who is 9, understands the stereotypical notion of beauty. He is lean, muscular, healthy, and handsome; yet he'll pinch his belly and say, "I'm putting on a few pounds here!"

Lisa, 44

I saw pictures of us from college: we were a lot younger and more innocent then. Now, we show our age and experience, and I think we are better people. We're more confident, we know what we are grateful for, we know we have each other, and we all have wonderful families. What I treasure most is our friendship. I'm comfortable and I feel secure. The beauty comes from our happiness, which shows through.

Christine, 44

noreply@blogger.com (HagenInDenHaag) — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 23:14:00 +0000

When I first became aware of this project many months ago, I was particularly moved by it. I think young women in particular are very influenced by what they read in magazines that tell them how to look -- based on an advertising agency’s definition of beauty. I think that’s wrong. It is an unrealistic expectation that people try to live up to. As I’ve watched the Exploring Beauty project develop, I have thought about what I think is beautiful and compelling in a woman: confidence, strength of character, intelligence, independence. Yet when I listed five beautiful women, every woman who came to mind was a popular actress! I didn’t think of Eleanor Roosevelt, Amelia Earhart, Aretha Franklin, or someone I thought was beautiful because of who she was; I thought of Sophia Loren or Angelina Jolie who were beautiful for how they looked. My initial reaction was to ask whether I was being a hypocrite, but I didn’t know if it was that or if it just demonstrates the need for a project like this: to point out that beauty isn’t just physical, it’s a lot of other things. You can be really beautiful, but if you are not confident, you don’t come across as beautiful. You can also see a woman who might not be physically attractive in a traditional sense, but who has strong convictions and strength of character; that’s a woman you find so compelling that you can’t forget her.

Call for guest bloggers

noreply@blogger.com (HagenInDenHaag) — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 20:41:00 +0000

We have decided to include content from guest bloggers. Has this blog struck a chord for you? Would you like to contribute to this blog? We invite writers who are passionate about the issues raised in Exploring Beauty. If you or someone you know wants to contribute to this blog, please send us an email with your suggestions and proposals. In the meantime, we will continue to post photos of individual woman and their interviews.

Keep following us here at www.exploringbeauty.org, or on the facebook fanclub page.

Ewa, 60

noreply@blogger.com (HagenInDenHaag) — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 07:17:00 +0000

I was born in Poland but moved to the Netherlands at age 14. I have had a colorful, exciting and happy expat life, living in Indonesia, Bangladesh, Japan, France, London, and now again in Holland.

When I was asked to participate in this project, my first thought was: NO WAY! I don’t like to pose or even see myself in pictures. In some ways, I am a very shy person! But after a while I came to like the project and the philosophy behind it. I came to see it as a new challenge for me.

For me, beauty is very subjective; its definition varies around the world. I think every person is beautiful. I am aware that others may think I look good, but I don’t feel beautiful. Most of the time I am very happy with my looks and my body, but sometimes I think I am too fat, not perfect. But what is perfect? I guess it is human nature to always want to have more. I am not someone to get plastic surgery, but I do take good care of my body. I am afraid that if I start to have plastic surgery I will lose my personality or character. When I see these celebrity women, they all look alike. They all have the same mouth, cheeks and eyes; my goodness! For me, the most important things are health, being happy, and living in peace and harmony.

Sheyla, 45

noreply@blogger.com (HagenInDenHaag) — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 08:07:00 +0000

This is a big birthday for me. I feel a lot of change within, like another step into adulthood! (laughs). I've been working through issues in the last year including beauty, having a Latin-American background, and my weight.

Latin women are perceived to be sensuous and seductive -- which I feel that I am not -- and the Latin culture is very focused on that. This has been a struggle. My body developed quickly at a young age and I had inappropriate attention from men because they thought I was much older. I did not like it, so I learned to be conservative in my dress. Now it is as if the feminine and sensuous side of me is inside and doesn't know how to come out. If only I could wear something sexy and feminine!

I'm the heaviest I've ever been. I felt beautiful when I was pregnant; I had never felt that way about myself, and I don't feel that now. But why compare myself to those images bombarding us? Society has a vision of what beauty is, and it is very narrow and unrealistic for a real woman. Women are now trying to change themselves in very fundamental ways to obtain society’s version of beauty. We are beginning to lose our true identities. We do not see the natural beauty we already have. Since becoming 45, I have realized that I want to embrace the person I am and see the beauty that I have.

Stephanie, 43

noreply@blogger.com (HagenInDenHaag) — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 07:22:00 +0000

Some people might not seem attractive by typical standards, but you see how beautiful they are simply because they are comfortable with themselves. Real beauty comes from the inside out. It is like the Dutch word uitstraling, an energy that comes from the inside. If you look good on the outside but there's nothing happening on the inside, the real beauty is missing. For this shoot I chose to wear white: something very simple so that I can focus on the inner energy.

I've never owned a scale, I've never been into that. Growing up, diet was never a word in our house. I was very tall as a child and it was difficult for me. I was held back in ballet for a year because I was giant and gangly. I survived being 12 years old and 6 feet tall. Almost everyone has had some kind of struggle with their body. You can always make the best of what you've got, expressing yourself and being healthy.

It makes me sad when people hate their bodies. It usually comes from making comparisons with others, which is destructive, and from being concerned about what other people think. Your opinion about your body is the only one that matters. So why not choose to love your body?! After all, your body is your vehicle: it allows you to participate in life. For me, beauty is about happiness, confidence, being open, and feeling good in my own skin.

Stephanie coaches expat entrepreneurs and small business owners with the goal of attracting more clients. Her website is fireflycoaching.com

Renate B., 46

noreply@blogger.com (HagenInDenHaag) — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 11:57:00 +0000

I have a shapely, womanly figure. I'm the kind of woman who walks with pride and with strength. All the women in my family are like that. I think it is because my grandmother was a strong, powerful woman. The women in my family always have a say.

I don't like my stomach because after my third child I didn't get my shape back; it was not the schoolgirl shape it used to be. So I am always dieting, and working on my body shape through sports like Zumba and spinning.

It was always in the back of my mind to do something like this. To show myself, at my age; that I can put myself out there. There is nothing to hide: I am a beautiful woman! I'm not worried about what people are going to say about me. I don't depend on anyone else’s opinion for how I think of myself. I have enough confidence!

Carolyn, 42

noreply@blogger.com (HagenInDenHaag) — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 06:11:00 +0000

My sense of self and body has changed considerably over time. Last summer I had gained some weight. I’d never been so heavy, and I was focusing on it and on the negative way I felt about my arms, my belly, whatever. Then it hit me: I could choose to focus on what I didn't like about my body, or I could focus instead on the fact that this body has gotten me to where I am today. It is a strong body, a healthy body. Context is everything. This body has gotten me two kids. I've made lots of tough decisions, and this body has seen me through those decisions. The insight is that I can just accept my body for what and where it is now. The interesting part is that I did stop focusing. A few months later I started paying a little more attention to what I ate and I moved more; I joined a Zumba class. I stopped focusing on the negative. With exercise your life changes. Do I think I'm beautiful? Of course not. Do I love my body? Yes, I do!

Carolyn's upcoming memoir, Black and (A)broad: traveling beyond the limitations of identity, recounts how traveling and living abroad have transformed her identity as a black woman. For more information, go to www.blackandabroad.com .

Ermine, 37

noreply@blogger.com (HagenInDenHaag) — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 14:10:00 +0000

When I was in my twenties, I was very slim. At the time, I thought I was beautiful, but it was all that I had: this beauty on the outside. I was much younger, I was not as confident, and I didn't have very much self-esteem. Everything changed after I had my daughter; life is really a process isn't it? Getting older, getting wiser, accepting, growing, and changing. You just let go of all the shit and you get on with it!

I started doing Bikram yoga three years ago. There, you are always confronted with the mirror: you see not only your face, but your whole body. I think yoga has helped me tremendously to make a spiritual connection. At some point, outside meets inside and the two somehow combine. Now I have an inner beauty and this has met with the outer beauty. I've had a great life so far; I feel truly blessed, and I accept who I am.

Ar'nie, 34

noreply@blogger.com (HagenInDenHaag) — Sun, 30 May 2010 06:44:00 +0000

I'm Indonesian, Singaporean of Indonesian, Arabian and Indian descent. For me, the Western or European culture is sometimes hard to understand. The European woman can go out in very revealing clothing without a problem, but when she goes home to look in the mirror she doesn’t like what she sees. In Asia it is the reverse. You hang out with all of your female relatives, with aunties and mothers and everyone and all they talk about is sex! (Laughter) I say, "MOM! That's enough!" It is a different kind of mentality. I think we accept our bodies more. And yet they'll never feel completely comfortable showing off their bodies in revealing clothes in public.

In my business, I do lifestyle transformations. I'm fighting a battle here: to stop people thinking about size zero, to help them get self esteem. There was a television program in which a researcher took pictures of 6- to 12-year-old girls and then transformed each one of the pictures. One was left unaltered, one was made really thin and another was made really fat. The kids were asked to pick which one they liked best. Even at age 6 they prefer the skinny picture.

I buy trashy/celebrity magazines, and I sit with my daughter and go through each photo and make sure that she sees the picture for what it is, that they are too skinny and airbrushed and that there are other ways to be beautiful. In an all girls school, I was different: I matured faster, and I was bullied. It taught me to accept my body, to think that I could be different, that it was great and that all you bullies can just back off! It taught me to really accept my body the way Mother Nature meant it to be and made me realise how mean we can be to ourselves and therefore each other. I have learnt to forgive myself and my bullies.

I love women too much to let them put themselves down. My wisdom comes from pain. I have learned how to deal with the pain and pass it along, and to grow.

Lisa, 44

noreply@blogger.com (HagenInDenHaag) — Sun, 23 May 2010 10:37:00 +0000

I’m here because I wanted to do something I wasn't comfortable with, to challenge myself. I'm going to be 45. I figured if I couldn't accept myself as I am now, would I ever? So why not define this moment in time as being comfortable with whom I am? I’m not saying that I think I’m beautiful. I swear to god I'm too lazy to spend that kind of effort! The project was intriguing and I wanted to contribute to it. But, I also feel like what am I bringing to the table?

It comes around to, ‘What is beauty?’ Is it the way that you look, the way that you are, your spirit? Defining beauty is a personal thing. I think it is more of an essence - there are beautiful things that can be meaningless. Then there are less aesthetically appealing things that can make you feel. Real beauty is not defined by what society says it should be, by what the magazines say. I think beauty is a way of seeing things. You can find beauty wherever it lies. It is a feeling; it is an outward manifestation of your inner self or soul. It is self confidence and not everyone has that.

Being Asian, my culture places a premium on things like fairness of skin, and thinness and classically appealing features. That's a hard stereotype. I’m an Asian who has been raised in the U.S. I feel self-conscious when I am in Asia. I feel bigger and I’m not fair-skinned or diminutive or dainty. But I'm self confident. I've come to accept what I've got to work with. I've accepted what I am, who I am. My beauty is not what you see. I'm a dependable and loyal soul, a good friend, and giving; maybe to a fault. Beauty comes from within and that lasts longer and means more than what you see on the outside.